The Tragedies of Life

"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it."
-George Bernard Shaw

When Shaw wrote this, I'm sure he had his heart broken a time or two. He chose to love and was forgotten-that is one of the worst possible ways to have your heart broken.Or maybe he chose to forget himself. This is a breaking far more cruel. To lose yourself-to lose your heart. You lose more than your desires.

This year I got everything I wanted, everything I wished for. But in a way, I lost even more. Perhaps that is what Shaw meant. Oftentimes, gaining your heart's desire means losing it. The heart has many different desires. And sometimes you must forsake one to gain the other. That is the tragedy of life- all of our desires can't be fufilled.

Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic, but gaining your heart's desire, it's all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in other people and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't take it back for the world.

And so Hansel said to Gretel
"Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we may find our way home
Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.
This year, I lost my way."
And losing your way on the journey is unfortunate,
But losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.
The journey lasted eight months
Sometimes I traveled alone
Sometimes there were others who took the wheel and took my heart.
But when the destination was reached,
It wasn’t me who had arrived
It wasn’t me at all.
And once you lose yourself, you have two choices
Find the person you used to be
Or lose that person completely.
Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been
And remember the person you were meant to be,
the person you wanted to be,
the person you are.

Thanksgiving

I am so thankful for my new niece, Sophia Grace Atchley! She is beautiful. here she is crying because she wants mommy. I love Derek, Jenn and Sophie. They are my favorite family.










Thanksgiving. Thankful for so much. Life is good. I'm thankful to be me. To be marked and defined by Jesus Christ himself. To be shone upon by Him

Today has been really gay. I can't even lie about it. My aunt acts as though I don't have a schedule to stick to so I always have to cater to Logan's. At 9:30, my aunt said he would be here at 9:50. well it is about 11 now, and still no Logan. So I wasted a whole hour of my life waiting for him. That is pretty much the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.

On Tuesday, I have to go on this lame tour of the UNM campus. It is quite funny because while I feel like everyone favors Logan, in all reality, I think the fact that I am going on the same tour as him must mean I have quite a bit of potential that people rarely realize.

Things have been going rather well as of late. I love that I have not been on here in like bloody 3 or 4 months. that is alright. A lot has happened in this time. I fell in love all over again. In more ways than one.
With God.
With Missions.
With Mexico.

But not with a boy. Rather I have distanced myself from that. I have so much to live for. So much going for me.

But I'm worried. What if I don't get into Harvard? What if my world comes down on me in an instant? I can't shake that feeling of it being a sunday evening. Where I will wake up and it will be a Monday morning.

I feel like I have to step up.

Its said that the significant moments of your life pass you by and you don't relaize they are significant until they are threatened to be taken away. God I love my life.