Two, well four words--Guilty pleasures/ Ben Mckenzie

okay, so once again I am writing from the Painted Horse Cafe. this morning as I was watching Good Morning America with my bowl of Reese's Puffs, a food of the gods, I had the sudden urge to consume a good ol' iced mocha.

I will admit that I am sort of on a kick of hating boys. It is for good reason considering that in the past month, there have only been one or two guys who have not been complete jerks. Well, I will admit on the internet, the world wide web. now I have come up with a peculiar way that, in the past month, has helped me deal with this issue. Two words-Ben Mckenzie. Yes, I am speaking of the hollywood heartthrob from The OC who looks like a young Russell Crowe, only much better looking. I have been watching the OC for the past week while I've been knitting and I will admit that the show is my guilty pleasure. It's right up there with 24 and Lost, which is really saying something. I have actually come to love all of the characters, but if I'm honest, I watch because of Ben Mckenzie. I mean, when I'm mad at a guy, I watch him on the television show and my faith is restored in the potential of the mail species.

We're all having to learn to let go of one another, but some of these guys just can't deal well. And for the record, calling me every five minutes for three hours is not the way. That among other things.

The Cafe of All Cafes

Right now, I am at the painted horse cafe, which happens to be my newest hangout place. they have an amazing Roast Turkey Panini and the people are so kind, always giving me a larger drink size than I can pay for. This morning/midday, I have decided to branch out and try their Breakfast Bagel which is turning out great, accompanied by an iced mocha. Let's face it--life cannot get much better, especially since I can access their free wifi.

So this weekend we are going down to Mexico. It should be an adventure as always. the team will be fairly large compared to the past few which have basically only been my family and the Olsens. The orphanage is looking great.

Right now, I am reading the Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury. MY whole reading list isn't very good. This is a literarily frustrated Sarah. And YES, i did just make that word up. so sue me.

I Love You....Thank You

Love at first k2, *p2, k, p, k2* repeat to end of row

I Love Village Wools.

The red scarf is the progress I have made in a few weeks time on the starter scarf pattern I got when I took a class in January at Village Wools. I've also made countless potholders and drink coasters with Debbie Bliss cotton wool. The black scarf is one I started last night for Steve for Christmas. It was a "Scarf Askew" pattern I got off of Magknits.com They are both progressing nicely and I have almost memorized the 12 row pattern for Steve's scarf. But as of right now, I have to sit with my computer on my lap with the pattern in an open window in order to make progress.

Portland Family

The countless days since my last real blog have been beyond interesting and enjoyable. In fact, there is much life that I have had yet to update on this blog. So I will start at the beginning. The last weekend in June, I had the pleasure of spending a day with one of my favorite people in the world. Samy Waldie is one of the few who I can say has changed my life. When I saw the vans arrive outside the compound's gates, I quickly dropped my 2 inch thick knife and a half a watermelon, which I was cutting for Lyli to make himica, and ran outside to greet the team that I love with a passion. Steve was opening the gates and everyone was piling out of the two vans that Patrick and Deanna were driving. When suddenly, I saw Samy standing across the street. As both of us spread our arms wide, we ran and jumped on each other, nearly falling to the ground in our excitement. Our glorious reunion then continued throughout the rest of the night as I was reunited with the familiar team from last year's internship in Juarez. Samy and I got to catch up on our back porch that night after going to the corner store to get cokes and manzana lift, paid for by the lovely Kathy Legget. The McKuskers were as wonderful as ever. I got to hold Chase all through dinner and play with the boys that afternoon. I was thrilled to be asked by them to stay for the week at their house to help with the team and their household. Sadly, I had the commitment to work that week, and could not break it, as much as I wanted to. With the Porters gone, I can tell that the McKuskers and I will have the opportunity to be much closer, to the point perhaps of family. Deanna and I have connected on many levels and Patrick is one of the few men that I respect. And those boys...those boys...are the sweetest things to grace the earth. Shy and quiet Caleb, loud and mischievous Jaden, friendly and curious Kylan, and the gurgling and contented Chase.

Wonderwall (cover)

after all....

that girl you met wasn't me. that is all i want to say right now. that's not really who i am. so why do i let myself be? i'm not a badass chick.

i need a change of heart. i feel like such a hypocrite and it felt so obvious tonight when i wasn't being strong. i guess jacquelyn was right. you don't have to be strong, you have to have a connection to god. maybe that is why i can't change, because i'm trying to do it on my own. because i want people to like me and think i'm nice. not becuase it breaks god's heart. that's the first time in a month that i've really considered the reflection of my actions on jesus christ.

maybe that is why god keeps settling in the back of my mind....

i wish that you were either hot or cold...

I guess the question now is which I want to be and if I am willing to give it all up for God as Samy said.

Out of the outflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. i guess those are the thoughts and words in my heart........and that scares me. if it took me only two months to go so downhill, i really need god. I REALLY NEED YOU!!! this is a moment when i want to scream at the top of my lungs "IF YOU ARE REAL, HAPPEN TO ME!! BE REAL! I NEED YOU TO BE REAL!!!"

I have become such a shell of the person I once was. Not necessarily innocent and naive but not so participatory, not so numb to these things.

I need know something real. I need to feel something real. I need to be something real.