You know I kind of wonder what all of the hype is about. Why is the New Year such a big deal. Its not like something physically spectacular happens or as if things really change. All that the new year is, is people who think this year can be different, that they will finally lose that twenty pounds or find the love of their life. And one moment gives them that. But what happens when they wake up on the 1st of the year, if they every went to sleep? Or what happens on December 31st at 11:59 PM of the year 2007? I want to make predictions and 'resolutions' but I wonder when I will really get to them. Will I ever really change? Does the New Year just mean that things are new and somehow that means I am different?

I dont think there is anything innately different about the moment that ball falls. I think it is more of a reminder. A pinnacle moment when we can realize that there are things we need to take with us and leave behind. It gives us a sort of hope that we can start 'new.' For me, it is more of a time to really commit to shake off things that have happened. That's the only way I can be different this year. So I'm leaving:

My bitterness.

My negativity.

Oh well, people in New York have experienced 'the moment'

In an hour and a half, I get to be a sort of new too.

i though that last year's birthday bash would be the worst bash of time. i think that today almost beat it. See it seems to occur to no one that it is my birthday. Not even my family. Saying happy birthday and getting me a Dora The Explorer balloon does not mean it was a happy birthday. I wanted to watch Lost. And I'm like its my birthday, can we do what I would like to do since the rest of our plans got canceled and my mom is all like "happy birthday." She's treated me like I am a burden all day. Everyone was just so happy that I was brought into the world. These are the days when I understand Renee.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
it has already sucked. welcome to my birthday

To Write Love on Her Arms


I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on.
This is an emergency
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this
Well it's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it,
talk about it
Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive
So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again
I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
And you do your best to show me love,
but you don't know what love is.
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this
Well it's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it,
talk about it
Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive (alive)
These scars, they will not fade away.
No one cares to talk about it, can we talk about it
Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive (alive)

ACT scores are in and ::Drumroll please:: I got a composite score of 29. Let me just say that I am proud of myself. I am not really good at anything but school so the fact that I scored on the higher side of the average scores for all of the colleges that I want to get into like stanford and NYU And I am only 14 makes me rather proud. I think I got bragging rights on this one for another 5...4...3...2...1 okay.

dec26

Merry Christmas! Okay, so it is a little late. But it was a very Merry Christmas. My family was well my family. I can't stand them but I love them. They are super nit-picky but hey I had lots of fun with my aunt Cynthia and Logan. That's what really matters. I bought Fast and the Furious:Tokyo Adrift for Logan and so I got the low down on it from Logan. Plus about his new x-box 360. He ducked in late and out early to play. God, I love my cousin so much.

In a funny coincidence, both my cousin and I bought my Grandma liquor for Christmas. Of course it was liquor wrapped in chocolate. So I am sure Grandma will be getting tipsy for the next few weeks. She was a riot the other night.

Christmas morning went well. We have quite a few things to take back. LEt's just say my mom trying to shop for me is never a really good idea. I got everything I wanted and more.
Life has been really frustrating lately being the backslidden heathen that I am and all so it was a good day for me. Everyone loved the presents I got them and that is all that really matters.

Merry Christmas!

wanting more than one kid

when i grow up and get married, i don't want to have just one kid. today was a type of depressing day. there was absolutely no sun and it wasn't snowing. then about midday it began to snow. so i got dressed and went outside to make a snowman. once i finished his bum, i realized something-i was alone. I don't have anyone who I can make a snowman with. and i didn't have gloves. so my hands feel like they have frostbite. but I am alone. There is no one to make a snowman with.

There are few things that drive me crazy. And luckily, I haven't encountered them lately. i have pretty much been holed up in my house watching LOST for a few days. Yeah I got out on Friday night but that whole night was drama-a thing I despise. But that night I just started to laugh. Laugh at the hilarity of it all. How desperately desperate and stupid it makes them look. I find it somehow funny. Don't ask my why or how. It just is.

no one reads my blog. maybe that is what makes it nice.

things change. This time last year, I am sure all I cared about was getting a guy to notice me when all hope was long lost. This time, its different. Call my ideas outdated, but since when is living not enough? This year I made mistakes. And I mean mistakes. Regrets. I became worldly and lost myself. I became someone who I wasn't. I lost me. And its hard to get back. Do I really do what I do because I like it or pseudo me likes it?

I am a Christian. Have no doubt.
Maybe that is one basic fact that didn't change. But it did.

I want to be the best because I want to be good at what I do, not because I don't want someone else to be good.

CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE FOR FINISHING MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING? I shopped it up today and got all of my important presents. Now I have to bake. Christmas is about giving so i am giving things to people that let them know how important they are to me. and how much I love them. It is funny because I shopped at Hobby Lobby today for 2 HOURs to find something for Shealeen. And I finally found it. Have yet to make it. But It just proves you can't put a price on love. Especially when you really love that person.

"T.H. White said; perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return."

This winter I am giving my heart to the one person who always thinks about me. And then some to those who love me and those who I love. This is going to be a good holiday season. There is not a tragedy in this world that overcomes this type of joy.

I just wish my life would mean something to someone...

If you only once would let me

Only just one time

Then be happy with the consequence

With whatever's gonna happen tonight

Don't think we're not serious

When's it ever not

The love we make is give and it's take

I'm game to play along

All I can say

I shouldn't say

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

oh oh, oh oh oh

oh oh, oh oh oh

All the best DJs are saving

The slowest song for last

When the dance is through

Its me and you

Come on would it really be so bad

The things we think might be the same

But I won't fight for more

Its just not me to wear it on my sleeve

Count on that for sure

All I can say

I shouldn't say

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Wanna take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Yeah - We still have time

oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)

oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)

oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)

oh oh (ahhhhhhhh)

Can't say I was never wrong

But some blame rests on you

Work and play they're never okay

To mix the way we do

All I can say

I shouldn't say

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Wanna take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

We still have time

oh oh, oh oh ohoh oh, oh