piano prodigies and the like

Matthew Scarvie is my hero. Yesterday, we had our first team meeting. Scarvie and Josh came to my mom's office to pick me up. as we were driving to scarvie's, they tried to teach me how to pen flip, a skill i attempted to perfect in all of my classes today. Matt graced us with his piano prodigy skills [which are the most amazing i have ever heard. he is so going to juliard], gave us cookies, and laughed at my exit. i spoke of the pinkness of cotton candy and how it makes me feel like a girl. Marianna spoke to us about the sluttiness of the drill team. and radar graced us with his theory about Bachicha's sideburns being magical. scarvie perfected the infinity. josh gave rides to unliscensed drivers. we got no where in terms of the case but our team is amazing. today, taylor was my friend. the cocky jerk of yesterday called me his best defender. he said that i stand there all innocent like but that's my charm. we even shared some laughs and he wanted to pass to me even if that meant sacrificing a touchdown. i might go see a football game with ally and amira.

now a message from your healthcare providers

Today, we had a very scary incident involving my appendix and six hours in Urgent Care. In Biology today, I began to feel a pain in my lower stoumach. The two hours I spent in NM History and RSVP, I was almost positive my appendix had burst. I had never felt such intense pain in my life. This is not a wimp's pain, this was the pain of a million tweezers plucking out the individual hairs all over my head, only my head was in my abdomen. In English, I managed to get comfortable enough to survive the pain. But lunch rolled around and the plucking was back. I dressed out for gym, and got all the way to the soccer fields for flag football, all the while reassuring Elissa that I was not having a miscarriage since that was physically impossible, being as how these are virgin lips that speak these words. Mrs Kubala saw the intense pain on my face when I began running and then tearing up, so she sent me to the Nurse's, all of whom were scared for my life, checking blood pressure to make sure I did not have internal bleeding. Since my complaint was on the center and right side of my abdomen, they concurred that it could be my appenix, so my mom came to the home of the matadors and we went to urgent care. After six hours of sleep and talk and taking blood, they were able to tell me that this could be the onslaught of appendicitis, but that I was okay for now. If the pain comes back for more than two hours and is coupled with severse naseaus, I go to the Emergency Room. Get an Ultrasound. Get sliced, and then eat lots of ice cream with chocolate peanut butter malt balls from Trader Joe's. I feel better now that the pain is dulled. Let us pray it remains that way.

maybe its all about to come crashing down

of life and other occurrences in the heart

I'm a pretty simple person, but I speak in complex sentences. I've only been in highschool for three full days, but already, I've learned more than I could have ever thought possible. Imagine my suprise when I found that highschool would be worth more than a diploma. And I've got over two hundred days left to learn. Suprisingly, I'm at a good place in life.

When you tangibly see God's control, and realize that serving has been the greatest achievement of your life, not scoring the winning goal or making the A grade, I think you're in a good place.

'And though I grow tired and weary, I find that you are all I need.'

Two, well four words--Guilty pleasures/ Ben Mckenzie

okay, so once again I am writing from the Painted Horse Cafe. this morning as I was watching Good Morning America with my bowl of Reese's Puffs, a food of the gods, I had the sudden urge to consume a good ol' iced mocha.

I will admit that I am sort of on a kick of hating boys. It is for good reason considering that in the past month, there have only been one or two guys who have not been complete jerks. Well, I will admit on the internet, the world wide web. now I have come up with a peculiar way that, in the past month, has helped me deal with this issue. Two words-Ben Mckenzie. Yes, I am speaking of the hollywood heartthrob from The OC who looks like a young Russell Crowe, only much better looking. I have been watching the OC for the past week while I've been knitting and I will admit that the show is my guilty pleasure. It's right up there with 24 and Lost, which is really saying something. I have actually come to love all of the characters, but if I'm honest, I watch because of Ben Mckenzie. I mean, when I'm mad at a guy, I watch him on the television show and my faith is restored in the potential of the mail species.

We're all having to learn to let go of one another, but some of these guys just can't deal well. And for the record, calling me every five minutes for three hours is not the way. That among other things.

The Cafe of All Cafes

Right now, I am at the painted horse cafe, which happens to be my newest hangout place. they have an amazing Roast Turkey Panini and the people are so kind, always giving me a larger drink size than I can pay for. This morning/midday, I have decided to branch out and try their Breakfast Bagel which is turning out great, accompanied by an iced mocha. Let's face it--life cannot get much better, especially since I can access their free wifi.

So this weekend we are going down to Mexico. It should be an adventure as always. the team will be fairly large compared to the past few which have basically only been my family and the Olsens. The orphanage is looking great.

Right now, I am reading the Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury. MY whole reading list isn't very good. This is a literarily frustrated Sarah. And YES, i did just make that word up. so sue me.

I Love You....Thank You

Love at first k2, *p2, k, p, k2* repeat to end of row

I Love Village Wools.

The red scarf is the progress I have made in a few weeks time on the starter scarf pattern I got when I took a class in January at Village Wools. I've also made countless potholders and drink coasters with Debbie Bliss cotton wool. The black scarf is one I started last night for Steve for Christmas. It was a "Scarf Askew" pattern I got off of Magknits.com They are both progressing nicely and I have almost memorized the 12 row pattern for Steve's scarf. But as of right now, I have to sit with my computer on my lap with the pattern in an open window in order to make progress.

Portland Family

The countless days since my last real blog have been beyond interesting and enjoyable. In fact, there is much life that I have had yet to update on this blog. So I will start at the beginning. The last weekend in June, I had the pleasure of spending a day with one of my favorite people in the world. Samy Waldie is one of the few who I can say has changed my life. When I saw the vans arrive outside the compound's gates, I quickly dropped my 2 inch thick knife and a half a watermelon, which I was cutting for Lyli to make himica, and ran outside to greet the team that I love with a passion. Steve was opening the gates and everyone was piling out of the two vans that Patrick and Deanna were driving. When suddenly, I saw Samy standing across the street. As both of us spread our arms wide, we ran and jumped on each other, nearly falling to the ground in our excitement. Our glorious reunion then continued throughout the rest of the night as I was reunited with the familiar team from last year's internship in Juarez. Samy and I got to catch up on our back porch that night after going to the corner store to get cokes and manzana lift, paid for by the lovely Kathy Legget. The McKuskers were as wonderful as ever. I got to hold Chase all through dinner and play with the boys that afternoon. I was thrilled to be asked by them to stay for the week at their house to help with the team and their household. Sadly, I had the commitment to work that week, and could not break it, as much as I wanted to. With the Porters gone, I can tell that the McKuskers and I will have the opportunity to be much closer, to the point perhaps of family. Deanna and I have connected on many levels and Patrick is one of the few men that I respect. And those boys...those boys...are the sweetest things to grace the earth. Shy and quiet Caleb, loud and mischievous Jaden, friendly and curious Kylan, and the gurgling and contented Chase.

Wonderwall (cover)

after all....

that girl you met wasn't me. that is all i want to say right now. that's not really who i am. so why do i let myself be? i'm not a badass chick.

i need a change of heart. i feel like such a hypocrite and it felt so obvious tonight when i wasn't being strong. i guess jacquelyn was right. you don't have to be strong, you have to have a connection to god. maybe that is why i can't change, because i'm trying to do it on my own. because i want people to like me and think i'm nice. not becuase it breaks god's heart. that's the first time in a month that i've really considered the reflection of my actions on jesus christ.

maybe that is why god keeps settling in the back of my mind....

i wish that you were either hot or cold...

I guess the question now is which I want to be and if I am willing to give it all up for God as Samy said.

Out of the outflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. i guess those are the thoughts and words in my heart........and that scares me. if it took me only two months to go so downhill, i really need god. I REALLY NEED YOU!!! this is a moment when i want to scream at the top of my lungs "IF YOU ARE REAL, HAPPEN TO ME!! BE REAL! I NEED YOU TO BE REAL!!!"

I have become such a shell of the person I once was. Not necessarily innocent and naive but not so participatory, not so numb to these things.

I need know something real. I need to feel something real. I need to be something real.

sick days

Since my last update, I have been sick in bed [or on the couch] I went to the doctor's yesterday and they told me it was a viral infection. Yipee. All that basically means is that I have to wait it out. I got my first full night's sleep last night. Which might have something more to do with the fact that I fell asleep watching 13 going on 30 on my laptop. PRAISE GOD!!!! we picked that and the paramore cd up from best buy yesterday. And how, you may ask, did I get this virus. Well, based on deductive reasoning and an IM conversation, I'm gonna say that Amanda, Dorian's sister, gave it to Clay, who, when not symptomatic, shared a water bottle with me and transferred the virus to sweet Sarah. Yes, I was just the innocent victim here. so I've been sleeping through the day and being bored out of my mind from 11 PM to 6 AM. Somehow, my body is naturally waking itself up at 6:33 AM every single morning. when I feel better, I am going to put that to use by walking. But right now, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep. You see, I never get sick, so I am a very pathetic sick person. I involuntarily cry because I can get so frustrated. Let me tell you--I am a pathetic sick person. I dont know how to deal.

Yesterday's blog was somewhat cryptic. but i was in the middle of something, and it was just a thought. It's been a while and I think I needed some venting/unloading. Where to start?

I have officially graduated Family School and I recieved a transfer to SANDIA HIGH SCHOOL. Needless to say, I am beyond excited. I'm signed up for Geometry, Honors English, Pre-Ap Biology I, PE, Health/NM History, and French. As well, I signed up for Senate zero hour. I'll be busy but it will be good for me.

Paramore's new CD Riot comes out tommorrow, which is basically the highlight of tuesday becuase they are basically one of my favorite bands in the world. On Saturday nite, we went to see mewithoutyou at the launchpad. The boys said they were gonna come by at 6 pm, but I got a call at 5:20 saying they were pulling into the driveway. That was the fastest I had ever gotten completely ready. Half my hair was straightened and I had contacts in. No makeup, just sarah in her boxers and a tank top. The concert was beyond amazing. Some really great bands, and great stage performances. It was a good nite to see people I hadn't seen in a while, great music, and I found out scary kids scaring kids is coming in August. Can I say I almost had a heart attack? That is basically the epitome of all my musical hopes!!!

Currently, I am nursing an odd case of the chills and a headache. Oncoming sickness or maybe its the weather?

At the gym, they've been having zumba. Who knew that I had hip shaking down to a T. Maybe I'll go on to become a world-class dancer?

Saturday was shea's birthday, so this upcoming week I'm gonna take her to roadhouse. I can't wait to see her face when they bring out the saddle. It's going to be so classic!!!

The porters came and we had a lovely visit. I'm gonna miss them.

love, me

Have you ever noticed that there are certain triggers in your life that make you actually feel alive?

Oh, and if I get the transfer, I picked out all of my curriculum, and be taking Calculus II Senior Year. There isnt one class that isn't Pre-AP or AP. Maybe highschool won't suck that much. Mr. Daniels in Honors Geometry Freshman Year surely won't. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll score Evans as my English Professor. Plus Allen is my advisor. I guess things are starting to look up.

When i tasted what the world had to offer, i found that it didn't make me feel any better. it didn't really make me feel any worse. If it's so empty, why do people use it to fill themselves? They fill themselves with a smoke that is absorbed, only to be empty minutes later.
He asked a valid question--When did the most undown people become so down? What happened to us?
I was down for one night where my day was terrible and I could be easily swayed. But his words rung in my ear everytime I held me breath. "When?"

It's been a while since I've really wrote on here. I suppose that is because I don't really care about what has been happening much lately. I'm just numb to really care. The next four years will really mean nothing if I go to highschool.

On the better side, and probably the only good side to my life at this moment, we willbe staying with the Porters this weekend. We were going to head down there on a mission trip, but since everyone backed out, we are just going to head down there and stay with the Porters for the weekend.

I really love the time I get to spend with the Porters, especially Sam. I wrote this a while back in my journal. I thought I 'd share it with the rest of my private world......

If I ever have a boy, I want to name him Samuel Logan. Samuel after Sam Porter, and Logan after my cousin. Samuel means 'his name is god' or can be what it says in my bible text-'heard by god.' Logan means 'from the hollow' or 'from that which was nothing.' The names themselves have meanings that I hope my child will carry everywhere with him. But I don't want to just name my kid something because I liked the name meaning because that in itself is somewhat empty to me. I want names that remind me what I always want for my child. Logan is my brother's name. Logan has been my rock, the one I could depend on through life's storms even if he himself didn't feel that solid. He always placed my needs as a priority and I would like my son to possess that trait. Plus he is my brother--which means he would be beyond honored that I would name my son after him.

Samuel is a name that I like. Well I don't necessarily like Samuel, but I really like Sam. As I write this, I'm reading through 1st Samuel. So many of the key verses that have driven my life are derived from first Samuel, but one in specific--"And he had great success in whatever he did because the Lord was with him." That is my prayer for my son, and all I could ever want for him. So the name Samuel would remind me of that verse every time I looked at my son. But mostly, I'd like to name my son Samuel becuase of Sam Porter. He's a kid I've really grown up with the past year and a half. I'd name my son Sam because I hope that he grows up to be like Sam. Sam is mature beyond his years, even when he is the most immature kid I know. He's responsible, caring, in the Word, funny, he loves his family, and is genuine. Sam reminds me that there aren't just good guys in the world, there are great guys. I hold a high opinon of Sam, as you can tell. If my son would grow up to be like Sam, I don't think I could be any prouder........

Easter was amazing. I loved sunrise service. And I got the most amazing Easter Gift. Brigida sent me a care package. I got a watch, sweet-tarts, a pedicure set, socks, a notebook, and an awesome magnet for my board.
It was an exchange for the Blue House and pictures that I sent her.
So life has been good.