It was a great night under the star brights

So I must say that last night was exactly what I needed after the week I had. Last night was so much fun just getting to go hang out with a bunch of friends and there was no drama except people climbing up trees which was kind of weird. A bunch of people showed up at Dions and we had pizza, which I really like. And it was just a lot of fun talking and hanging out because my friends talk about the weirdest things with the most intelligent conversation. So all good and fun and then we get to go to Keva Juice. The most beautiful thing in the world. And I was walking with Denver and Shawna, the msot beautiful thing in the world, so things were beautiful all around me.

But the most important thing about being at Dions were two people that I got to see, Mr. and Mrs. Church. I'm not going to tell you how excited I was becuase I don't think that you could even begin to understand through written words. It was amazing. I just love them so much that I loved seeing them. I am happy that they seem happy where they are. I don't think that their new church can even begin to understand how abundantly they have been blessed.

The rest of the night was so much fun. So much fun. We played capture the flag. I am athletically challenged but I think chasing Maddie and Jonah has helped me a lot. It was a lot of fun. We lost but it was still a great time. And then I got to hang out with Shawna and Denver and we all got to stay warm under Denver's jacket. That was a lot of fun. I love both fo them so much. And I just really enjoy their company. And it was just so much fun hanging out with Josh and everyone else. So much fun. I have nothing to complain about. I needed that so much.

The Weekend '06 was amazing.

Yet so gross. You can't see the side of my face that is covered in ketchup. and there is raw egg all over my head. This was amazing. Granted, the Weekend was fun and great, but my highlight was the teaching and worship. Joey Rozek came in from New Jersey and The Phil Wickham band from San Diego. I personally think that this was by far the most amazing Weekend I have ever attended. I encourage you to go to Vertical's site and listen to the teachings. They were so amazing and convicting. They were teachings that challenged me and showed me how distant I have been from God in comparison to where He wants me to be. But now I know how to get where I am going. I am struggling so much with friends and just life. But He is so good and He answered my prayer in revealing Himself to me

Reveal yourself to me

Cause I want for you to draw me to the place where I find you.

I really feel that after this weekend, this is my song. After the pain I've endured and the opportunity that I've had to see God work His will and give me a vision of His will for my life, that He is soverign and my actions are for His glory alone. He is my ever present help in my time of need.

Inside, You shine
Amidst this broken daylight
Take this darkness
That I might see Your goodness
My eyes are on the sky
Show me what You hold
You are the light of my soul

You have been the beauty
In the song I sing
The fragrance of the rain
You have been the mystery
In my deepest dreams
You make me fly away
You have been more faithful
Than the morning sun
You've given me the stars
Take my life
Take my soul
Take my heart

You make me, You break me
You've changed my life completely
Always, my days,
I'll freely give You my praise
My life is in Your hands
Let me feel Your touch
Lord, I live for Your love

We did it! My mom is officially married, and we did it! It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I just loved it and so did my mom. She looked beautiful and I am told that I did too. Which is a rare occasion when I am told that I am beautiful. I figure I should dress like that more often. Besides the wedding itself, the weekend was whack. I mean seriously whack. We couldn't go to the Switchfoot concert and that was lame but most of it lay in a frog. I am not even joking. It was pretty lame. You know how you get your hopes up so much only to be let down. Its like the knight in shining armor wasn't really that at all. He was a figment of your imagination. You start to wonder how many frogs you have to go through before the prince really appears. It is hard to determine which frogs will turn into the princes and which frogs will remain the same. I just feel like right now all I can do is see frogs. At this point, I just want to marry Jonah. That may sound bad but he is really cute and really nice and really awesome. He flirts a bit but not with everyone. I am special.

And what about friends? I mean, what is a friend? If you are interested in someone, is it okay for your friends to flirt with them, especially if they know that you are interested in this person? I say this from a completely unbiased opinion considering the fact that I am no longer interested. I'm just trying to see what God is saying. I know I am waiting for that one guy who will complete me in every way. But right now I am wondering where he is hiding? Or if there is even someone to complete me in that way. I am overwhelmed right now because I am mad.

I guess some highlights of the weekend were the fact that I got to see Jonah, Maddie, Kathy, and Dave and be in their presence. I love spending time with them. Plus I got to talk to Kathy and she knows I applied for an internship in Juarez and she seemed really excited so I am excited. Even on Saturday night, it was fun spending time with her even if Sam was following us around and I was exceedingly mad at him. She was so kind about everything and so kind to me even when Sam was being weird towards me. She is amazing. Plus, her husband is like amazing. I mean, that is what I want my husband to be like. Mr. Porter is amazing. And he heard that I am applying for an internship. I don't know, we will see how it all goes. Honestly, I'm not that strong. 

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall

I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I’m not all right
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when I’m open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I’m not that strong

I’m not all right
I’m broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you

And I move closer to you

I’m not all right…that’s why I need you

I LOVE YOU SHEALEEN!

I'm tired and every room that is in my house is filled with people. I guess i should look on the bright side at the fact that all of my family is here and i have gained the coolest set of grandparents in the world through this weekend, but it is kind of hard when i have not slept for a while and my privacy has been invaded. The Porters are here and Sam might get to come to Vertical but then he will just hang out with all of the girls. To me, relationships are not that important right now. I guess I am just seeing that people aren't all that great. God has something planned for my life and he has the perfect person who will complete me. And I don't want to go and choose a guy for myself who does not complete me. If God has something planned, no amount of time or miles will be able to tear that apart. He has promised and every one of his promises is yes and amen. It is all a matter of trust from here on out. I guess I am just seeing how fickle and incomplete every single relationship is around me. There is ________and ________, ________ and __________, and _______ and ________. All of which stemmed out of relationships that ended last month. How many relationships have changed right on schedule and a few relationships i didn't expect to change. And I know God doesn't have that planned for me, he has better and I'm a teenager who personally wants better.

24 is on tommorrow night! YAY! YAY! That is going to be an awesome show!

I don't have the strength of words

Well right now I am the epitome of sick and so I am stuck at home with my family. Right now, going to school sounds like fun. I have been with my family all week and I just want to get out of the house. I want to be done with this wedding. I am really tired and my body just wants to sleep but I can't. So I am stuck reading Hamlet at home with a cup of chai green tea and contemplating the meaning of my life. Sounds like fun, right? Well not really. Its less than a week till my mom's wedding and I am not going to see any of my friends before that day. My mom made me go to Urgent Care last night so I couldn't go to church and then I slept really late this morning and in all actuality couldn't go to church becuase I would get all of the little kids sick because the antibiotics have not set in just yet. But it is hard not being able to talk with anyone or pray with anyone.

I just watched Alivia Sky Lusko be dedicated. It was really cool just watching such an awesome couple such as Jennie and Levi dedicate their baby. I can't wait till I am a parent. What an exciting yet hard experience.

And then the Switchfoot concert is next week. But can I go? as of right now-No! I am not excited about that!I just want to hang with my my people in Mexico. I'm still waiting for my application to be accepted. I am waiting....waiting....waiting....School is almost over.

Sam posing
Originally uploaded by until_wehavefaces.

I wish i was here hanging out with these people! I am so tired of this wedding! I am so tired of having to diet! I am so tired of everyone expecting me to be happy and peppy! I am so tired of people walking up to me and asking how I am doing as if I am dying from this certian issue!
I AM SO STINKEN TIRED OF THIS! JUST TAKE ME NOW!