Monday, January 02, 2006

after its all said and done...this is all i can say

Its funny how easily we can trick ourselves into thinking we know what God wants and that we are doing His will. How easily, we can forget His goodness and the contentment that is only found in Him. Since the end of September, I have been struggling with finding contentment, and where it can truly be found. As a girl, contentment looks something like having that one guy. But as someone who is trying to live a life for Christ and purely to glorify His name, I think that it looks radically different. It isn't found in someone. Because everyone is imperfect, and contentment is a constant thing, imperfection makes things inconsistent. I think that true contentment is being satisfied with where God has you, being in a place where everything isn't perfect, yet you still choose to trust in Him and in His plan. Its the recognition that God is in control.

Lately, things have been occurring that really scare me. But someone reminded me that those problems have no control over my Savior, He is allowing them. For whatever reason, I'm not sure, but I'm not going to question what he has in store. At the end, I'll finally know. And the end is near. My end is close approaching and even if you think that its insane that I am excited about nearing death. Its not death itself, its what is held on the other side. I get to meet my Savior, the person who's grace has been continually pouring out on my life since my birth. Who has been planning everything, and I imagine that when I see the face that I have been seeking, I won't even care about these issues, I won't even ask what they were for. That one moment, I don't know if I'll cry, or laugh, or if I'll feel anything that could be explained in words. I just want to live my life so that I can here "Well done good and faithful servant..." And that that glory moment will last for eternity.

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