could i just be anonymous?

so lately I'm not really sure. Am I living the right way? Have I tricked myself into believing that I'm alright? What do people really say when I leave? Do they just put up with me? Dang, that is probably the truth. So my friend and I were having an interesting conversation about the first two questions. And he said something that was true "Our trials, testings, and persecutions are only signs that the Lord is working in us and leading us down the right path. It is the moments in life where we become comfortable that we must worry about." But then I was thinking, well God gave these same things to people who he was trying to tell to turn the other way, so how do I know this is not true of me also? God is working in me, and I'm not doubting that He is who He says He is, but I think He is finding whether all of this will withstand the fire. (bear with me my thoughts are not really organized) You know, today is four years that Cameron died. And no one knows how I feel about that except one person and even then, he found out by mistake. Don't you hate how gmail puts all of the "l's" right next to each other? So I send it to the first person on the list, thinking it is myself. but NOOO, it isn't. So what else? Oh yes, there is this whole twitterpation situation. There is still ________ & ____________ and ___________ & _________. I don't know if we got rid of some couples or what. But I'm learning to be content, and still people are talking about me. So what, you think my life revolves around one boy? I'm sorry but he is not God. He is a really amazing, awesome person but every decision does not revolve around him. If you think it does, let me set the record straight, it does not! What do I have to lose if you don't believe me? but now as well, I am wondering what two people really think. You know, its like I try to keep my mouth shut about certain things and I think I have succeeded fairly well. So how do I know my friends aren't doing the same? Huh, how do I know they arent lying to me? YOu know, I had to email a friend and ask her to tell me the real truth about how I was acting? I didn't hate her for it, in fact, I love my friend even more for that. She was willing to tell me what i needed to hear even when it hurt. I guess I am just fairly confused . sorry that you read this.
-sarah